Don’t Lose Your Perspective

In this closing blog post of 2019, I’d like to stimulate some reflection on the importance and the impact you attribute to trading and the results of your trading, compared to everything else in your life.
Too often, I see traders (even experienced traders) place way too much importance on beating the market, staying ahead in their game, or fussing over their P&L.
I’m going to share a short story that stimulated these reflections, and why we really need to keep our priorites clear and not get tangled up in the daily happenings of our lives. The risk is that you end up pursuing a goal and living through frustration, only to get to the end of your life realizing how much you sacrificed on the way.

First World Problems

Last week as I was doing some grocery shopping, while pondering over some rather poor trades and some other work-related frustrations, when something caught my attention. In the food court of the shopping mall, at a table all by himself, was a man having his dinner.
Except it wasn’t your typical dinner at all. He had bought himself a small carton of milk, had opened up a package of cheap animal crackers and was dipping them into the milk. Upon further inspection, I noticed that the man was wearing a tatty coat and pants, worn shoes and some old mittens were on the table beside him.
He was without a doubt in dire financial difficulties, and alone. And he was trying to make the most of the few euros he had, perhaps enjoying something sweet, when everything else going on in his life was anything but sweet.
So when I brought my attention back to myself, I looked down. My shoes aren’t designer shoes, but they are in good shape. I’ve got warm clothes on and a warm coat – nothing fancy, but still functional. I’m holding a bag full of food…most of which is organic. I look to my right and see the face of my fiancèe – I have a soulmate. I’m going back to my car, which is getting old but still works well. With my car, I will drive back to my house. It’s not my dream house, but it’s cozy and warm.
“Wow…I’m definitely blessed and I need to remind myself of that fact more often” I thought.
How often do we lose perspective of what really matters in life? How often do we let a bad trade spoil an entire day? How often do we let work take up way too much space in our days, at the cost of time with friends and family? How often do we think about what we don’t have, instead of reminding ourselves of what we do have?

Find the Right Perspective

I’m not saying we should celebrate losses or dismiss them. As we discussed previously, losses are there to teach you a lesson. But we cannot let losses ruin our days, just like we can’t let a traffic jam, a disappointment, a setback ruin our lives. We need to fight back and regain the right perspective. What really matters, when all is said and done?

1. Connections. An ongoing Harvard project has tracked the lives of 268 sophormores in 1938 during the Great Depression, and has expanded to their offspring. Of the original group, only 19 still live and are in their 90s. The rest are adults in the 50-60 range. What did the study show? That close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.

Coaching question: are you doing your best each day, to nourish quality relationships with those around you? If you were to die today, who would notice? Would you be missed?
Quality relationships nourish us, just like proper food is fuel to our bodies. What do “quality people” do? How do we know that we have formed a quality relationship with someone?

• The person is present, and paying attention. When we are stressed or encountering challenges, sometimes advice is the last thing we need. Usually, the most fundamental need is to know we are not alone, but that someone “gets it” about our situation. We need to feel accepted and not judged.
• The person is uplifting. Difficult situations can take their toll on our morale, and sometimes it gets as deep as our self-worth. When someone conveys that they see good character, effort and achievement in us, it helps release oxytocin, which elevates our mood. We need people that believe in us, and that cheer us on.
• The person provides good reality checks. We cannot live our lives in a fantasy world and need to stay grounded in reality. Sometimes there are no quick fixes to an issue. We need the right information or wisdom from someone who is on our side, that can provide perspective in a caring way.
• The person inspires action. At the end of the day, we need to do something, not just think something. Great people inspire you to action.

2. Gratitude. Gratitude takes our minds off what we don’t have (which generates negative emotional responses) and back onto what we do have (which generates positive emotional responses). Gratitude helps us move towards true happiness, which comes from within, and not from something external.  Keeping a gratitude journal causes less stress, improves the quality of sleep, and builds emotional awareness (Seligman, Steen, Park and Peterson, 2005).

Source: PositivePsychology.com
Coaching tip: before you go to bed each evening, try and be mindful for 5 minutes and find at least 3 things that happened during the day, or that you have, which you are truthfully grateful for. Try to “feel” that gratitude, let it fill you up. Do this for 2 weeks consistently. What do you notice?
If you are having trouble practicing gratitude, use a gratitude journal. Every day, take note of:

• compliments that I would like to give myself today
• current challenges and what I am learning from them
• people I am grateful for
• significant assets of my life at present

3. Contentment and realizing how much is enough. So many people live out their lives in the quest to achieve some possession, status or symbol. That is why there is so much credit card debt with people buying things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t care about. A person who lacks contentment in their life will often engage in this kind of  “when I get _______, then I will be happy.” Scientific evidence has demonstrated the fallacy of this approach, because we always seem to “get used to the stuff we have” – it’s called hedonistic adaptation.
One short story I can share was with a client of ours who thought trading was the cure to his dissatisfaction in life. Through a lengthy email conversation, it turned out that this person was simply failing to recognize what he already had. He was looking for “more” and associated that with trading and all the clichès that are attached to it (freedom, purpose, money, etc). In the end, being a proud father of 3 happy children, a great husband, in a position of responsibility at work, were enough for him. He just needed a little change of perspective to help realize all that he already had!
Here are a few tips to get on the path to contentment:

• Take control of your attitude.Your happiness is not reliant on the acquisition of any possession. Your happiness is based solely on your decision to be happy with what you have (very much connected to gratitude).
• Look within.  Material possessions will never fully satisfy the desires of your heart (that’s why discontent always returns). The next time you recognize discontentment surfacing in your life, commit to better understand yourself and what is really happening to cause this emotion.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing your life with someone else’s will always lead to discontentment. Learn to value yourself, your abilities, the ways in which you are unique and different. What is a blessing for some people is likely a curse for others.
• Go help someone out. Selflessness works wonders on our spirit. When you begin helping others, sharing your talents, time and money, you will find yourself learning to be content. The practice will give you a finer appreciation for what you own, who you are, and what you have to offer.
• Keep growing. Never stop learning, growing, or discovering.

Coaching question: what is blocking you from being happy and content, right where you are? If you are unhappy, going around with a chip on your shoulder, resentful, just try to visualize yourself with that “_____” which you think you need. Would that really change your outlook on life? Would it really make you a better person? If not, then do some soul-searching. What is it, in the day to day hustle, that you are letting interfere with your happiness?

Over to You

Sometimes we really take for granted what we have, in our pursuit of God knows what. There have been studies and interviews conduced on 90+ year-olds, which asked a simple question:
what would you tell your younger self, knowing what you know now? 
One of the most common replies was: “I chased what I didn’t have….but I really had everything already“.
My challenge to you, going into this Christmas Season, is this: follow your dreams, but don’t forget to live. Otherwise you might end up losing what you have, before you start to appreciate it. Seek a proper perspective, and choose to be happy right where you are. Choose what you have, over what you think you need.
That fellow in the food court was doing his best to be happy with the only things he had…dipping his little animal crackers in his little carton of milk. If you have more than a carton of milk and some cookies, then surely you have something to be grateful for, more than one reason to be happy, and consider yourself fortunate.
I wish you all the best,